1022pm: she called me.. i m so shocked when i saw her name appear in my hp.. i picked up.. she said she called wrongly.. but she is not calling anyone..
is it that u are seeing our past sms? or u jus simply too used to calling my number like i used to sms u and call u..?
rainy: you so miss me ah?
kelvin: yup.. u?
rainy: i miss my qi er.. and my frens la.. haha..
remember this?
不一定是要在一起才叫爱情 因为我们都一直爱着
能够天天看到你就好开心哦
this is ur old msn account nick..
dont you miss me too? y force urself to do this to us..
25/04/07: tarot readings from senior tarot master kobe byran aka tarot soo(ta luo su) extracted from MSN msger..
Kobe Bryan says:1st card is the knight of cups
Kobe Bryan says:it means in the past u are not romantic or spend enuff time tat she expects of u
Kobe Bryan says:2nd card is the rivalry card which means u got a love rival now
Kobe Bryan says:3rd card i forgot liao
Kobe Bryan says:4th card means u should face the challenge bravely as u got the qualities to overcome it
Kobe Bryan says:5th card is devil
Kobe Bryan says:it means tat ur relationship very bad now
Kobe Bryan says:6th card means u got the power in ur hands
Kobe Bryan says:last card means u should not think too greatly abt ur rival
Kobe Bryan says:u muz cast away the fear of losing
i only remember the last card is called the moon..well today(27/04) bryan jus told me again that if i do not give up.. i will succeed if i put in effort..(the moon)
muacks bryan.. love ya~
27/04/07:
hmm went swimming at 11am.. den ate at seow ge's house there one muslim store.. quite nice.. den went to his hse and slp on his bed again haha.. gay with james.. den evening time went back home..
met up wm, wj, ckh, cmy at je at 945pm.. james couldnt make it as siew ling da sao v tired so donwan join us.. and did not want james to follow us.. so we went ourselves..
reach there is abt 1030 le.. ate at LJS there and entered Ministry Of Sound.
cool place.. alot ppl.. all nicely dressed... heng we also got prepare hao.. haha~
wm lead us ard the place... mainly 3 sectors: R&B, techno, retro..(actually age limit is 25yrs but we go in a few times den knw.. hahaha)
at 1st we all shy shy.. den awhile later we join in the groups of ppl in the "cage" and dance to the beat.. lolx..
we had alot of fun.. drank 2 cups of vodka only... now.. wan "toh"(fall flat) liao haha..
so happy that she sms me to say that she wanted to come over my hse to zzz.. i wanted to fetch her as it was raining.. but b4 i came out there was no rain.. so i ran over to the bus stop that i usually meet her after her work den it suddenly started raining again.. den from far i can see her with the qi er umbrella... heng she got.. if not she ling yu den not good le.. so we shared 1 small umbrella.. haha.. loved that feeling.. thanks mr weather..
hmm i cooked simple dishes that she liked.. unagi.. saba.. kai lan.. mushroom.. corn.. her fav yogurt drink + 2 cakes that we shared.. all her fav dishes.. she also helped me out a bit.. too bad dad came back.. although i tried hinting him not to.. but think he nv saw my sms.. hai.. spoil plan a bit.. but think still alright..
so after eating.. we chatted.. and ______. i can feel that she still loves me.. other issues i donwan talk abt it now.. cos 2333hrs she called me to let me say good nite to her.. and i promised her that i will slp together with her now.. so.. good nite guys..
for my frens whom i owe u all an ending.. :
we are frens for now.. i will let her try out now.. i will wait for her..
today went to jason bday.. felt troubled.. really scared i might see her in town with him.. chill out at ben n jerry @ cathay.. very nice place.. with live band singing.. very nice ambience.. after that went home alone.. slpt while standing in train.. so worry for her..
wait till i reached home.. i called her.. chatted for a short while as she was watching you tube as usual.. knw that she went so many places.. i so shocked.. haiz.. seeing them getting better is like pinching my heart harder each time..
well.. thinking on the bright side at least she still talk to me so nicely.. so cute voice.. so fortunate of me.. the mtv:好朋友 can tell my story ba.. haa.. as for ending.. lets hope for the best..
http://www.friendster.com/user.php?statpos=bc&uid=3834313
saw this today.. 2 hrs ago she added him.. hope that she not real to him.. thats all for today.. cos words cant describe how i feel..
remove the venom spidey..
finally.. my 1st happy post.. today i met her at je mrt station.. sooo happy.. talked to her.. saw her smile once again.. contented.. but still see some troubles in her mind.. hope she will clear them soon.. i asked her to be my good fren.. den i went home after seeing her safely reach her place..
reached home.. sms-ed.. chat on msn.. crapping together once again.. she "zu dong" sms me 1st time after the chat.. one word: happy
nitez all.. i wan go dream liao.. continue 2 days ago de dream.. so sweet..
finally we r frens~
she went clubbing last thurs.. din knw.. she is no longer my ger.. i cant do anything.. but now the qn is.. can i go with her? thanks..
yday i tried to ask rainy out on today.. but halfway she afk in our conversation.. after some time i tried to sms her and call her to see where she went to.. no replies no answers to my calls.. when she came back she said she sms me earlier on and she needs to slp already.. so i said talk the next day..
today i sms her at 5pm asking her if its alright to meet at bus stop.. she said v tired, too late informing her.. i explained that we r only meeting to chill out and relax ourselves.. but she said: i feel like slping.. can i?
saded.. just feel that she is lying to me abt meeting.. haiz..
the world doesnt end today... my day had, i said to myself very clearly this week we r meeting..
5days left...
i spent today in a very cheerful mood.. saw rainy online at nite.. so happy.. decided not to meet any frens for today.. jus wanna stay at home chat with her.. pei her.. today at camp overheard 1 camp mate chatting with his ger.. so wen rou.. so caring.. i realise how bad i m.. i knw wat it takes to be a good bf now.. but where is my ger now?.. (i can only say 'haiz')...
she seem to be like really left me le.. no more feelings for me.. i m totally sad.. but still could hear her laughter.. i m very contented.. soon she stopped talking.. and went missing together with my dear fren wj.. all left me all alone.. really felt so bad.. think back of foolish things like dying again.. i dono how long i m going to go thru this.. maybe one day i will be gone that fast...
i start to wonder wats in her mind.. and i really felt very sad.. i lost her.. i lost my soul...i lost me..
back at home again now.. staring at 2 coms.. 1 is for my usage.. lappy is for her.. feeling sad again.. this morning in camp.. heard that desmond koh from sect4 broke up also.. saw him.. his eyes all swollen red.. he said he slpt 4+ last night.. i asked abt wat happened to them.. his side of story were somewat similar to mine.. his gf had to work.. their relationship turned bad.. so broke off.. at least the ger said break for cooldown.. mine? break for good.. haiz.. man are so poor thing.. wenjie you too..
bryan gave me a tarot.. he says maybe things arent that bad.. but.. tarot cant cheat ppl.. :
past : she has left you..
present : things are not going to change for now..
future : i cant put things down.. i will be sad for a very long time..
haiz.. thanks for letting me peek into my future.. its really true that one shd not knw wats ahead of him.. hope u all get wat i mean..
Today i went mounting.. but i brought my lappy with me.. played a game of dota at gate and listened to music and felt sad.. played soccer and had blister.. bathed and went to edit pics in lappy while listening to songs that she liked.. that she sang last week at ktv @ chevron.. its only last week that we where still hugging so tightlyand i was still able to smell her hair.. now? i m all alone in this world.. i missed you, dear..
i kept doing things that rainy did last time.. editing pics.. create photo slides.. thinking of her..i really can feel her woes now.. when last time she keep doing all those little things and i nv appretiated it.. now i knw only little things showshow much love a person has for another.. i neglected all this.. haiz..
day after day.. i think of the past.. den i found out every detail of our love life.. every where i went i have memories of her.. sometimes i jus had to control my tears.. hai.. now i realise that i have so many mistakes that i had no more chance to correct.. i start to hate myself.. tml is sunday le... i really want to meet her! wat can i do? even if i asked all around and knw where she work.. i also dono if i shd go..
god.. can i ask u how much more suffering must i take before i can hug her in my arms again..?
2030hrs at gate: jus now tried to slp becos i got 4hrs break at 430pm and woke up at 523pm thinking of her feeling the pain in the heart..cried again in darkness alone.. hoping nobody saw or heard.. and think of many things again.. i still think thatshe is only TRYING to be cruel to end this relationship harshly.. dear.. if u read this.. stop wat u are doing le..lets go back to time we were so happy so much in love.. at least let me turn back time till the day we had our last meal at kfc when i feed u eat.. before i made the mistake of my life asking for separation..
before i called u:
i think blogging has become part of my life ever since she left me.. there is so much things i wanna tell her but she just kept avoiding me.. i really wished at least she could give me the chance to start all over again.. but guess i was wrong.. she simply jus wanted me out of her life.. all the "lets be frens" she talked abt.. nth came true.. if anything were to happen to u.. this is the time when i wont hesitate...
1017 pm : called you.
after i called you:
u sounded so fierce, so tired.. u met apple they all which i sms her earlier she said she is not seeing u.. so i dono who i shd believe.. u talk to me like no feelings.. even if there is any feeling it shd be anger and wanting me to get lost.. i m terribly hurt.. u said u will meet me next week provided i called wj they all along.. cool~ but i don think u might be meeting me.. maybe u r jus lying to me.. tell me wat had i did wrong? that made u change ur heart so fast? u cant.. u said u can very long don sms me.. well thats good for u.. you don behave like rainy anymore.. i was utterly disappointed... i told myself this.. if u really lied to me that u wanna meet me, maybe i shd jus die.. i really hate this feeling of chasing u(my dearest darling laopo pig) when u don appreciate me at all.. 4yrs and u did this kind of thing to me.. from today onwards.. 9 days.. if u didnt show up.. u will nv see me open my eyes again..
it has been 1 week after our breakup.. life has nv been worse than this.. sleepless nights, tasteless food.. thinking of her all day all night.. i knw i had made my frens worry but i tried to bring the most cheerful side of me out.. thank you all for being beside me and understanding me all these while..
oh ya.. today chew swee siang gave me 2 tarot readings..
1st qn i asked: tell me abt rainy and me? (past, present, future)
past: love her alot in the past
present: very good relationship with her
future: reap what you sow
from the looks of it.. doesnt seem accurate, so he asked the tarot why is it giving this reading..
i forgot what he said.. but i remember its something abt wanting me to fight hard.. to reap what i sowed?
2nd qn i asked: what was she thinking? (past, present, future)
past: knws very well what she wanted
present: confused, needs time to really think thru wat she really wanted
future: knws what she wanted?
when he told me abt the present i was so shocked.. its like i had to believe it.. so i heed the advice of letting her really cool down and think. he told me that the future card can be good or bad to me, as in.. she will knw what she want to choose in the future, but by the looks of it, if i had tried hard.. i will reap what i sow.. thats his final conclusion..
who knws..? but all i knw is i must try my best... cos i knw that she still loves me..
